TOP EIGHT IDIOTS OF 2001

Just when you think the world is getting a little smarter...

Idiot # 1
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at
the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset
because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly
reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be
no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down
and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she
gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency
room right away.
Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.

Idiot # 2
Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield
decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were
successful in getting it out of the plane and home. When they
took it for a float on the river, a Coast Guard helicopter coming
towards them surprised them. It turned out that the chopper was
homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the
raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.

Idiot # 3 - A true story out of San Francisco:
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the
branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag."
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he
began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might
call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left
the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After
waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo
teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he
wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not
accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America
deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells
Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat
defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few
minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it
anyway.

Idiot # 4
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that
measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later
received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car.
Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.
Several days later, he received a letter from the police that
contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately
mailed in his $40.
Another sign (though this guy might be onto something worth thinking
about)!

Idiot # 5
Guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded
all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash
in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the
counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well,
but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are
over 21."
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to
him because he didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his
driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk
looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put
the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of
the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two
hours later.
Remind me to have more signs printed up. Give this guy his!

Idiot # 6
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved,
the startled first bandit shot him.
This guy doesn't need a sign; he probably figured it out himself.

Idiot # 7
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided
that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window,
grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved
it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and
hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems
the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was
caught on videotape.
Oh, that smarts. Give him his sign!

Idiot # 8
Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man
walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 A.M.,
flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because
he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order.
When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't
available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

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