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Jokes Jokes, funny stuff

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Vanha 28.01.2003, 11:45
mika mika ei ole kirjautuneena
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Rekisteröitynyt: 29.11.01
Sijainti: Hallila, Finland.
Viestit: 185
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Muutama valikoitu quote:


``I invented <Ctrl><Alt><Delete>, but Bill Gates made it famous.'' -- David Bradley, member of the original IBM PC design team

``The Exchange Server has been down all week, but at least it's stable.''


``... Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror, and you would not have been informed.''

``An unforseen issue has arisen with your computer. Don't worry your silly little head about what has gone wrong; here's a pretty animation of a paperclip to look at instead.'' -- Windows2007 error message

``Signals don't kill programs. Programs kill programs.''

``Everything that I've learned about computers at MIT I have boiled down into three principles:
Unix: You think it won't work, but if you find the right wizard, he can make it work.
Macintosh: You think it will work, but it won't.
PC/Windows: You think it won't work, and it won't.''
-- Philip Greenspun

``It's is not, it isn't ain't, and it's it's,
not its, if you mean it
is. If you don't, it's its. Then too,
it's hers. It isn't her's. It
isn't our's either. It's ours, and
likewise yours and theirs.''
-- Oxford University Press, Edpress News

``When the passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage, tootle him with vigour'' -- On the driver instructions in a Japanese rental car.

``Microsoft - Is it going to work today?''

``Unix is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.'' -- Dennis Ritchie, Unix co-creator

``I entered the office and tossed my hat at the coat rack. It missed, hit the heater, and instantly burst into flames. That reminded me: I had some work to do in Windows.'' -- Lincoln Spector "The Maltese Penguin"

``I hated the operating system; it was a complete and utter kludge, and the whole bloody design was just a mess. I wouldn't go anywhere near it.'' -- Sir Clive Sinclair on the IBM PC, ``Wired''

Science is the game we play with God to find out what His rules are.

Re. graphics: A picture is worth 10K words -- but only those to describe the picture. Hardly any sets of 10K words can be adequately described with pictures.

``The Internet, of course, is more than just a place to find pictures of people having sex with dogs.'' -- Time Magazine, 3 July 1995


``If you get bitten by a bug, tough luck...the one thing I won't do is feel sorry for you. In fact, I might ask you to do it all over again, just to get more information. I'm a heartless bastard.'' -- Linus Torvalds (on development kernels)

``Windows 95: from the guys who brought you EDLIN''

The Lesser-Known Programming Languages #12: LITHP
This otherwise unremarkable language is distinguished by the absence of an "S" in its character set; users must substitute "TH". LITHP is said to be useful in protheththing lithtth.

``Oooh, YAH! I'm so good I constantly amaze myself. And modest, too.'' -- Linus Torvalds

``Have you considered a life? I hear they're quite affordable these days.'' -- shields@tembel.org

``And then I realized that it never should have worked in the first place. Thus, it would not work again until rewritten.'' -- Anon.

43rd Law of Computing:
Anything that can go wr
Segmentation violation -- Core dumped

``You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.'' -- Dean Martin

``Time is just one damn thing after another'' -- PBS/Nova

``Never put off until tomorrow that which can be done the day after tomorrow'' -- Mark Twain

Dyslexics of the world, UNTIE!

``The other day I put instant coffee in my microwave oven ... I almost went back in time.'' -- Steven Wright

``We can't be so fixated on our desire to preserve the rights of ordinary Americans ...'' -- Bill Clinton (USA TODAY, 11 March 1993, page 2A)

No man's life, liberty or property are safe while the legislature is in session.

``Anatomy (n): something everyone has, but which looks better on a girl.'' -- Bruce Raeburn.

``Cleavage (n): something you can approve of and look down on at the same time.'' -- W. Garnett.

Erotic (adj): using a feather as a sex aid.
Kinky (adj): using the whole duck.

``Bill Gates, brilliant? Really? Uh-huh [Ellison laughs for several seconds].'' -- Oracle CEO Larry Ellison, interviewed in Forbes ASAP

Bagpipes (n): an octopus wearing a kilt.

Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking...

Indecision is the key to flexibility.

``We have analysed over two million images downloaded from eBay but have not been able to find a single hidden message'' -- Niels Provos and Peter Honeyman, authors of ``Detecting Steganographic Content on the Internet''


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