basisti vitsi

[Carlos]

Johnny starting playing bass as a child, and his encouraging mother always kept his spirits high and made him proud to be a bassist. One day he came home and said, "Mommy, Mommy! Today in school we did numbers, and most kids only got to ten, but I went to twenty!"
"That's Great Johnny!" his mother replied, "That's because you're a bass player!"
Excited, Johnny ran upstairs and practiced the bass.

The next day, Johnny came home saying,"Mommy! Mommy! Today we did the alphabet, and everyone else stopped at P, but I made it all the way to Z!"
"That's Great Johnny!" his mother replied, "That's because you're a bass player!"
Excited, Johnny ran upstairs and practiced the bass.

The next day, Johnny came home excited once again. "Mommy! Mommy! Today They measured us and I'm the tallest in my class! Is that because I'm a bass player?"
"No Johnny," his Mother said, "That's because you're 28."

[Carlos]

A bass player and a drummer are driving out through the country late one afternoon when their Microbus overheats and stalls. Trapped in the middle of nowhere, the bass player and the drummer walk through a large field up to the steps of a quaint farmhouse. The farmer walks out on the porch, followed by his very attractive daughter, and asks, "Can I help you boys?" The drummer says, "Yeah, our car broke down. Can we use your phone to call a tow truck or a repair person?"

The farmer replies, "Well, I don't have a phone and the nearest repair guy is in town about a hundred miles away. I could take you boys in the morning if you woulnd't mind waiting till then."

"I guess so," said the bass player, staring at the daugther, "Do you have
somewhere we can stay?" "Well," the farmer replied, "I only have two beds in the house: one is mine and one is my daughter's. I guess you could sleep in with her if that's okay with you."

"That would be fine," the bass player replied immediately.
That night, the drummer and the bass player were both in bed with the
daughter. She rolls over to them and says "Hey, you guys wanna have some fun?" They look at each other and say, "Yeah, well, I guess." "Well, put these on so I don't get pregnant," She says.

Three weeks later, the drummer and the bass player are back home jamming in their garage. The bass player turns to the drummer and says, "Hey, do you really care if that girl gets pregnant?"
The drummer replies, "No, I guess not."

The bass player says, "Neither do I. Good, then I'm gonna take this damn thing off!"



Carlos the Jackal

-------------------------
"I've always believed the cliché that the bass player is never wrong, because all the chords are named from the bass." -A.Laboriel-
-------------------------

[Carlos]

A bass player who suspects his girlfriend of cheating on him goes out and buys a gun. He goes to his apartment unexpectedly, opens the door, and, sure enough, finds her naked in the arms of a redhead. Well, now He’s angry. He opens his coat and takes out the gun. But as he does so, he is overcome with grief and points the gun at his own head.
The girlfriend yells, "No, honey, don’t do it."
"Shut up," the bass player says. "You’re next."


Carlos the Jackal

-------------------------
"I've always believed the cliché that the bass player is never wrong, because all the chords are named from the bass." -A.Laboriel-
-------------------------

[Carlos]

These two bass players walk into a brothel, and the madam doesn't feel like wasting time on these two guys, so she sends them to their room with blow up dolls. Well, the two guys do their business and then get in the car and head home. One the way back, one bass player turns to the other and says, "You know, I think my girl was dead. She didn't moan, groan, or even move. I don't even think she was breathing."
"Really?" said the other bass player. "You know, now that I think about it, I think my lady was a witch?"
"A witch?"" asked the first bass player. "Why do you think that?"
"Well, when I started nibbling on her nipple, she flew out the window."


Carlos the Jackal

-------------------------
"I've always believed the cliché that the bass player is never wrong, because all the chords are named from the bass." -A.Laboriel-
-------------------------