Good to be man
 

-Movie nudity is virtually always female.

-You know stuff about tanks.

-Your bathroom lines are 80 percent shorter.

-You can open all your own jars.

-When clicking through TV channels, you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying.

-Your arse is never a factor in a job interview.

-Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.

-You can go to the bathroom without a support group.

-You can kill your own food.

-The garage is all yours.

-You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

-Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.

-The National College Cheerleading Championship.

-If you're 34 and single, nobody notices.

-You can get into a non-trivial pissing contest.

-You can be President.

-Flowers fix everything.

-You never have to worry about other people's feelings.

-You get to think about sex 90 percent of your waking hours.

-You can wear a white shirt to a water park.

-You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.

-The world is your urinal.

-You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.

-You get to jump up and slap stuff.

-One mood, all the time.

-You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.

-Same work... more pay.

-You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.

-With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.

-You don't cry off others' desserts.

-If you retain water, it's in a canteen.

-The remote is yours and yours alone.

-People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

-You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.

-Bachelor parties beat the shit over bridal showers.

-You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.

-Someday you'll be a dirty old man.

-If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.

-There is always a game on somewhere.

-You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.

-You think the idea of punting a small cat is funny.

-If something mechanical doesn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.

-Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.

-Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: 'So... notice anything different?'

-Baywatch.

-The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.