SamppaFIN
26.11.2002, 06:46
-Movie nudity is virtually always female.
-You know stuff about tanks.
-Your bathroom lines are 80 percent shorter.
-You can open all your own jars.
-When clicking through TV channels, you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying.
-Your arse is never a factor in a job interview.
-Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.
-You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
-You can kill your own food.
-The garage is all yours.
-You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
-Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
-The National College Cheerleading Championship.
-If you're 34 and single, nobody notices.
-You can get into a non-trivial pissing contest.
-You can be President.
-Flowers fix everything.
-You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
-You get to think about sex 90 percent of your waking hours.
-You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
-You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
-The world is your urinal.
-You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.
-You get to jump up and slap stuff.
-One mood, all the time.
-You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
-Same work... more pay.
-You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
-With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
-You don't cry off others' desserts.
-If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
-The remote is yours and yours alone.
-People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
-You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
-Bachelor parties beat the shit over bridal showers.
-You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
-Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
-If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
-There is always a game on somewhere.
-You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.
-You think the idea of punting a small cat is funny.
-If something mechanical doesn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
-Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
-Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: 'So... notice anything different?'
-Baywatch.
-The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
-You know stuff about tanks.
-Your bathroom lines are 80 percent shorter.
-You can open all your own jars.
-When clicking through TV channels, you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying.
-Your arse is never a factor in a job interview.
-Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.
-You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
-You can kill your own food.
-The garage is all yours.
-You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
-Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
-The National College Cheerleading Championship.
-If you're 34 and single, nobody notices.
-You can get into a non-trivial pissing contest.
-You can be President.
-Flowers fix everything.
-You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
-You get to think about sex 90 percent of your waking hours.
-You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
-You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
-The world is your urinal.
-You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.
-You get to jump up and slap stuff.
-One mood, all the time.
-You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
-Same work... more pay.
-You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
-With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
-You don't cry off others' desserts.
-If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
-The remote is yours and yours alone.
-People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
-You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
-Bachelor parties beat the shit over bridal showers.
-You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
-Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
-If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
-There is always a game on somewhere.
-You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.
-You think the idea of punting a small cat is funny.
-If something mechanical doesn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
-Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
-Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: 'So... notice anything different?'
-Baywatch.
-The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.