- What's the worst thing about eating a vegetable?
- Digesting the wheelchair.
- Why doesn't Jesus like to eat M&Ms?
- They keep falling through the holes in his hands.
- What's the best way to make a nun pregnant?
- Fuck her!
- How many men does it take to wallpaper a room?
- One, but you have to slice him really thin.
- What's the last thing Jesus heard?
- "Cross your legs, we've only got three nails!"
- What's more fun than nailing a baby to a fence?
- Ripping it back off.
- Why should you put a baby in a blender feet first?
- To see the expression on its face.
- What's worse than one baby in a trash can?
- One baby in three trash cans.
- What goes plop, plop, fizz, fizz?
- Twins in an acid bath.
- What's the difference between a rock and a dead baby?
- You can't fuck a rock.
- Did you know that it takes five babies to make just one bottle of baby oil?
- What's the difference between light and hard?
- You can sleep with the light on.
- Why do women have legs?
- Look at the mess that snails make!
- Why do dogs lick their balls?
- Because they can.
- What do you call the loose skin around a vagina?
- A woman.
- What has licking out a girl and the mafia got in common?
- One slip of the tongue and your in the shit.
- How do you fuck a two-year-old?
- You put your dick in while it's soft so that that you can listen to the
bones break as you get a hard-on.
- What is the worst thing about fucking 8 year olds?
- Getting the blood out of your clown suit.
- What was John Lennon's last hit?
- The pavement.
- What do you get when you cross a rooster with an owl?
- A cock that stays up all night.
- Why did the condom fly across the room?
- Because it was pissed off.
- How can you tell if a Polish woman is having her period?
- She's only wearing one sock.
- What are the three reasons anal sex is better than vaginal sex?
- It's warmer, it's tighter, and it's degrading to the woman.
- Why is a woman's pussy like a warm toilet seat?
- They both feel good, but you wonder who was there before you.
- What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?
- You can unscrew a lightbulb.
- What's the smartest thing to come out of a woman's mouth?
- Albert Einstein's dick.
- Why do women have periods?
- Because they deserve them.
- Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up in the morning?
- They don't have balls to scratch.
- What two things in the air can make a woman pregnant?
- Her legs.
- What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
- Divorced.
- What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
- Slow down, and possibly use a lubricant.
- What's the main difference between your wife and your job?
- After five years your job will still suck.
- What's the difference between a woman and a computer?
- A woman won't put up with a 3,5 inch floppy.
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